For years I thought it was vain to have a desire to be HOT in that badass motherfucker kind of way. Strong-Hot. Beast mode sexy. "I crush you" intimidating. I like power if you can not tell, and I think it's sexy. I am probably over compensating for a longtime visitor of low self esteem, oh well.
Here is the deal, I have been an idiot to think I was being a better person for denying my own health. I sent a message to myself saying I wasn't valuable enough to honor my wish of taking my fitness to the level I most admired in other women: fitness model status.
From a young age I have admired the physiques of strong, athletic, muscular women. So much so I thought I might be gay; turns out I am not. I've kissed a girl and I liked it, but it's not my thing. (Thanks for the inspiration, Katy Perry) Men, and my man specifically, takes the cake in that arena.
I made up a story early in life that stopped me from pursuing my dream. In high school, rumors were spread implying that I was full of myself. Every once in a while a friend would inform me of the gossip that had me as the main subject. That kind of stuff hurts and for us sensitive-souls, it cuts deep, real deep. I'll just say that time of my life didn't go over well, and sadly I actually thought they might be right. To avoid further judgment I dressed to cover up, tried to keep to myself with some exceptions, and later in life I emotionally over ate (for several stupid low-self esteem reasons) all to avoid being too sexy. Side note: gossiping and rumors can be a bitch, so just stop.
My family is lean, and genetically gifted with Swedish DNA, athleticism and muscle was not something sought after in my family. Growing up however, we did extreme sports for the adrenaline rush, not athletic coordination. We water skied, snow skied/boarded, road dirt bikes on mountain trails and at local race tracks, wake boarded, flew planes (real ones), and then some. Building muscle was never a topic of conversation at the dinner table or anywhere in the house for that matter. In high school when I brought my first "muscular" boyfriend home (who I absolutely adored) judgment was quickly passed by my family (or at least I thought it was). I eventually adopted the idea that muscle equals low IQ. (Which according to some study I read somewhere working out actually increases IQ). Anyway, I had the idea that muscularity and working at sculpting and increasing muscle-mass was vain and shallow. So I didn't. But now I AM.
My family is lean, and genetically gifted with Swedish DNA, athleticism and muscle was not something sought after in my family. Growing up however, we did extreme sports for the adrenaline rush, not athletic coordination. We water skied, snow skied/boarded, road dirt bikes on mountain trails and at local race tracks, wake boarded, flew planes (real ones), and then some. Building muscle was never a topic of conversation at the dinner table or anywhere in the house for that matter. In high school when I brought my first "muscular" boyfriend home (who I absolutely adored) judgment was quickly passed by my family (or at least I thought it was). I eventually adopted the idea that muscle equals low IQ. (Which according to some study I read somewhere working out actually increases IQ). Anyway, I had the idea that muscularity and working at sculpting and increasing muscle-mass was vain and shallow. So I didn't. But now I AM.
Shit is getting real. Over the next 2 years my body is going to undergo a massive transformation. I will go from what I am now: 158lbs, 22% body fat, at 5'8", to an estimated 130lbs at 15%+ body fat. The numbers are highly dependent on my genetics, nutrition, and exercise routine. This is a new journey, I'm trail blazing for myself, and I suspect for others as well. For that reason I will make this journey public, and easily accessible to those looking for inspiration, pointers, suggestions, and non-medical advice. I am a very open person, and for the most part I don't hold back, so naturally I want to share this part of my life with other women (and men).
I am doing this for several reasons:
- health and fitness (duh)
- pursuing a personal dream
- creating art through sculpting muscle from the inside out (I’m my own David)
- inspire others
- become a paid fitness model (at least once)
- grow my jewelry business and online following (hey, I'm a business minded woman)
Byproducts I want to come from this:
- increased self confidence
- sustained energy levels to take on my full time job AND my own business
- learn as much as I can around fitness before I start a family
- be an active and healthy person for years to come
- level up in personal power
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| February 18, 2014 "The Before" |
Watch me and follow along as I ascend metaphorical mountain peaks, as well as drag myself through valleys of hell because this girl likes extremes, and I am willing to do the unusual to be one of the unusuals.
TL;DR Sarah is turning beast-mode and is doing so publicly.
Oh yah, to the girl(s) who started those high school rumors about me, I might be vain from time-to-time, but I’m proud of the work I have done. Selfies soon to follow. One more thang, fuck you.
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